A letter to Zach - Month 2

Dear Zach,
On Tuesday you turned 2 months old and you weigh 15 lbs 2 oz...
What a sack of potatoes you are becoming! Last month at this time, when I was writing your last letter, I wrote of transition and adjustments both emotionally and to our daily lives. This last month seemed to be more of transition on your part physically as you've added a nice little layer of padding all over and have stretched to just over 2 feet long. As I change your diapers I pinch your chubby little thighs and arms and marvel at how much weight a little baby can put on in such a short amount of time solely off of breastmilk. And at least 5 of the pounds you weigh must be in your cute little cheeks.
This month has been a busy one as you and I have started learning how to be functional together. We've gotten ourselves quite a nice little routine which couldn't make me happier - as you get older you'll learn how much your mom likes routines.
Consider this your warning.
And if you want sympathy your father is more than happy to commiserate.
Our mornings are usually spent with you in your bouncy chair while I busy myself with a shower and getting myself fed, and if I'm really lucky I get a little extra time to pick up around the house before you ask for your mid-morning snack. I try to squeeze in some tummy time - but you're not the biggest fan. It's not as though you dislike it, it's more like you just don't see the point. You might lift your head a few times, but then you rest your head down and just look around being the content little baby you are. There's no point in your just lying on your belly on the floor, so I pick you up and try again the next day.
The beginning of the month started off with you accomplishing the milestone I was most looking forward to: smiling. Nothing prepared me for the idiot I would become at the sight of your smiles. I spend SO much time in front of your little face, doing whatever I can to illicit another smile from you. You often tease me with little closed mouth smiles - but every once in a while I hit the jackpot and you reward me with a big open mouth smile coupled with kicking and squeals.
You've also learned that if I'm near and you stick your tongue out at me, I might stick my tongue back out at you. This has you quite excited, and after you've tested me a few times and I comply, you then start sticking your tongue in and out rapidly over and over again. And like the good well trained mom I am, I do it back. My reward? Big smiles with kicks and squeals.
So now that we've got the smiling milestone taken care of - I'll just have to sit tight and look forward to your next highly anticipated milestone: graduating from college.
Earlier this month I started pumping breastmilk a little bit so we could start seeing how you'd like the bottle. Don't get me wrong, I love breastfeeding you, but sometimes Mom needs to get away for a little bit so she can go to the gym, get a pedicure, or drink 3 martinis and forget her name. And as if you knew how important it was to me that I maintain at least a little bit of my alcohol tolerance you took that bottle as if it was totally normal. You took it so easily in fact, that I almost felt a little offended and jealous, as if that bottle could replace me. But I got over it. And I've successfully made it to the gym a few times now, and your Dad only looks a little crazed when I get back. That's all I ask.
I thought I'd end this post on the topic of laundry, and how I can proudly say that we are now down to doing only 2 extra loads a week now - an accomplishment that I am very happy about every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday, when I'm not busy doing more laundry. We hit this monumental achievement when you're bladder finally grew large enough that the mere opening of your diaper wasn't enough to trigger your pissing everywhere. The first few times we thought it was cute. But by the 173rd time I thought that it was getting a little old. And having to change your clothes, your new diaper (as you always manage to pee on the NEW diaper), the changing table cover, and anything that happened to be near by, was getting a little time consuming.
And I'd just like to point out here that I had NO IDEA how much pee a baby could hold. Let us pause for a moment and think about it: I would have to change your clothes, new diaper, and changing table cover. That's a lot of carnage. And this is AFTER you already wet your diaper which is why I was even taking your diaper off in the first place.
But I knew the day would come soon when you'd outgrow the habit, and sure enough here we are. I'm even so bold as to sometimes not cover your parts with a washcloth while I'm changing you. I know - SO bold.
All the love and kisses possible,
Mama

Well, what did I expect?

We made it through Zach's 8 week check-up reasonably well. The only negative part was when he had to get his routine vaccines and I nearly cried.
Seriously, truly truly awful. And it took a tremendous amount of strength to not hit the nurse administering them.
But as I suspected Zach was a real trouper, only crying a little, then nursing contentedly to sleep. Where he then slept the sleep of the dead until we got home.
We learned that he's right on track with all his milestones, and has grown to 24.5 inches and weighs 14 pounds.
Which my back could have told me.
Still, a little bit of a surprise that he's growing so rapidly. Can hardly believe he's nearly doubled his birth weight. At this rate he should be taller than me by the age of 5.
Trevor found a nifty percentile tracking tool online and has posted about it on his blog. According to the national percentiles, if Zach keeps on his current trend, he should be roughly 3 feet tall at age 2.
That's to my hip.

Walking and Watching

It's amazing how much more you observe while walking. At first, as I would go on my daily walks with Zach, I would marvel at the houses in my neighborhood that I never even actually noticed before. Gradually I started studying landscapes, enjoying the flowers as they transitioned from buds to full plump blooms ready to fall from their tree limbs.
Walking slows everything down.
And if you're an idiot like me and forget you own an iPod (two in fact) there's nothing else for you to do but think or enjoy the scenery.
(I have since realized that not only do I own an iPod, but it works outdoors even - so now I enjoy the flowers AND Timbaland).
Among the flowers and houses, I've also been observing people more.
Yesterday I went for a walk with Zach in his carrier downtown after we had checked out our new local library. Lots of people to observe downtown. And yesterday the type of people were more interesting than I expected.
I should probably explain that downtown Alameda is very quaint and charming. Small mom n' pop shops, new burgeoning restaurants peppered amongst old popular favorites...for the most part clean, safe, and, well, just charming and quaint.
So imagine my surprise when I walked right by a kid sitting outside the bagel shop rolling a blunt.
In plain daylight.
On a busy street.
Where cops frequent.
In a neighborhood where the biggest offense is violating the 25mph speed limit. Not smoking pot in broad daylight in front of everyone. Or rolling a big fat doobie.
And then there was the Hari Krishna 5 minutes later - wondering down the street with his mat and drum.
I should iterate here that this is Alameda - not Santa Cruz. Not Berkeley.
Close in proximity maybe - but not in culture.
To top off my day of people watching, I was amused to watch a kid of maybe 10 years old wondering home from school sucking on a can of whipped cream. Nozzle shoved in his mouth like a straw. Sucking it down like it was totally normal, and not the least bit unhealthy, to be consuming an entire can of whipped cream.
He was at least 20 pounds over weight, and obviously working on doubling that number by summer.
At least he was getting some excersize I suppose.

All I needed was a little fix

Today has turned out to be a great day.
Brace yourselves - because a lot of you will think I'm insane - but today was SO great because I went back to the gym for the first time in 7 weeks and 4 days.
I love the gym.
The gym keeps me sane.
It's the place I have gone to on average for 5 days a week for the past...holy shit...7 years? Michele, you're going to have to help me out here because it's your fault I ever went in the first place.
The point is, the gym and I have been long time friends. It's been one of the most consistent parts of my life that I've had. And to take over 7 weeks off made me feel as if I was neglecting myself. It has been something that has been so much a part of my daily life - and to suddenly go without it left a distinct void in every day.
It almost felt strange that I was busy recovering from labor and delivery and going to the gym wasn't part of the process. To me getting a workout into my day helps me de-stress. I can sweat it out and relax my muscles. During some of the most tiresome and stressful times in my life I would go to the gym, get in my workout, shower, put my feet up, and feel some of the greatest relaxation ever.
I know there are people out there who will insist that 'I just had a baby - of course I should relax' and 'you're body just went through a tremendous ordeal..'.
And yea yea yea, I know. Blah blah blah.
But I was feeling damn good about 3 days home from the hospital - so it felt odd to not be going.
Cut to over 7 weeks later and I've been going a little stir crazy lately with just walking keeping me going.
And naturally my body is used to the 5-day a week workout, so my metabolism is shot to shit.
I've been jonesing for a good workout for about 4 weeks now.
So like a heroine addict stealing his grandmother's TV, I've been spending the past couple of days pumping milk so I would have enough to leave in the fridge for Trevor in case Zach needed a feeding while I was gone.
I fed Zach, suited up, pecked both my boys on the cheek, and off to the gym I went. And for 1 hour I stepped back in time. I went back to a time before Zachary, and it was so familiar and so comforting. I spent an hour reconnecting with my old self. Someone who I haven't missed per se - but someone I wouldn't mind visiting for an hour a day, 5 days a week. Someone who I'd like to remember, because even though I've been redefined as a mommy, I'd also like to keep a part of my old self - the part that felt sexy and energetic in her own skin. I may be a mom to Zach, but I'm still my husbands wife. And more importantly I'm still a woman that I care about and want to respect when she looks in the mirror in the morning.
And now I'm back, showered, feet up, and the sounds of snoring from the living room serenade me. My men are crashed on the couch taking a hard earned snooze.
It's hard when mom goes to the gym.