If I had to give just one piece of advice to a woman who just found out she's pregnant, it would be: Don't read and avoid the internet
As mentioned in a previous post I am currently in possession of roughly eleventy-two hundred books on the topics of pregnancy, babies, or motherhood.
All of which seem to be written by the most paranoid chicken-little types I have ever had the luxury of reading.
Now, of course there is some USEFUL information in these books - real good serious details about what you really should or should not be eating, or what sorts of OTC drugs are safe, etc.
But I'd say that's only about 17.3% of the subject matter.
The rest of the information goes something like:
Q: Is nail polish safe to use while pregnant?
A: For the most part nail polish MAY be safe. However, recent scientific studies have shown that when lab rats have been submerged in bowls of nail polish for an excess of 3 days their fetuses develop abnormalities and/or death that may be, but not necessarily, attributed to the nail polish exposure.
Or even better:
Q: Is it safe to use insect spray containing DEET?
A: Pregnant women may want to limit their exposure to insect spray containing DEET due to the fact that it may, or may NOT, harm an unborn fetus. Infrequent, poorly executed studies performed by high-school level biology students at under-performing disadvantaged schools have shown that exposure to DEET may, or may NOT, have directly resulted in the birth defects of a small, teensy weensy, percentage of participating expectant mothers who may, or may NOT, have also been simultaneously drinking alcohol or partaking in intravenous drug use.
But regardless of the ambiguous information within, I stuck to my books, and waded through all this annoying "may or may not" crap up until about a few days ago when I had a visit with my doctor.
About 3 weeks prior to that appointment I had just read that Nitrites, a common chemical used to preserve meats such as bacon or sausage, is not recommended for consumption by pregnant women.
I like sausage.
I HEART bacon.
I was HORRIFIED when I read this.
I consulted 3 of my other books. All had the SAME opinion.
In inconsolable denial I Googled it.
Google concurred.
So, being the good health conscience woman who doesn't want to burden her child with something HORRENDOUS like neural tube defects, I decided to ban Nitrites from my diet until I could talk to my doctor in a few weeks.
I, reasoning that I was an adult, decided that I could handle it.
It's JUST bacon. It's JUST sausage.
Let me just interject here to point out that in a world where you love bacon, it seems like there's never enough bacon out there. Never enough menu items have bacon on them. It seems like whenever you order a sandwich at the deli - you're asking for them to ADD bacon.
But in a world where you're not allowed to have bacon?
IT'S EVERYWHERE.
Chop salads?
Bacon
BLT?
BACON
But I refrained.
I uttered the words I never thought I would say when ordering food, choking on half the words in disbelief that I was doing this:
"Could I have that without the bacon?"
And then I went to the doctor.
"So how are you feeling?"
"Good"
"No nausea or vomiting?"
"No, I'm fine. So what's the deal with Nitrites?"
"Oh, they're fine. Just in moderation."
"So I can have bacon or sausage every once in a while? Like once or twice a week?"
"Oh yea, don't worry about it."
"What a relief! I was reading that I shouldn't eat them."
"Yea, I would recommend you stop reading pregnancy books - they'll only drive you insane."
So there we have it - my DOCTOR told me to stop reading my books.
I think I'm going to go home, lather up on the DEET, grill up some big juicy hamburgers with BACON, and paint my toes when done.
Take that chicken little.
