A Letter to Zach - Month 3

Dear Zach,
Today you turn 3 months old and you weigh 17lbs 10oz...
This month you really seem to have graduated from being a 'newborn' to being more of a baby. You've gone from sleeping most of the time and only observing the world while you are awake to becoming an active participant in things around you during your waking hours - of which there are many more. Just a couple of weeks ago you started putting things up to your mouth, exploring textures, while learning how your hands work. Your hands seem to have a mind of their own but you're not bothered by it. Instead you take delight when they seem to do what you want, and you don't let it get to you when your too tired or too excited to manage them.
We've had quite the busy month you and I. Now that you're awake more often during the day I've found that you are more easily occupied doing certain things. Thank God. I have to be honest, when you were just home from the hospital I used to read ahead in the baby books. And like in most cases I should have followed the safe advise of never skipping ahead because it didn't take long for me to get to the part about how your newborn will go from sleeping 18-22 hours a day to sleeping only around 12-14. I remember reading that and thinking to myself that it might be quite possible that I will go insane if you are awake for that long. What the hell will I do with you? How will I fill the time? How will I do it without popping uppers?
And where am I going to find a dealer to sell me uppers? I've never had to acquire drugs before. I don't HAVE connections - I am no practiced at this sort of thing. Do drug dealers have profiles on LinkedIn? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
But then I resolved to just take the wait and see approach. And sure enough we've figured it out. Turns out that while you are awake more now, you are also more entertained by things because you are just one full time little learning machine. So we spend our days getting things done around the house, I do most of the "doing" and you do most of the observing. You're my little foreman which works out just fine by me. You also still love your bouncy seat most of all, but you've branched out and will spend some time on your play-mat that Grandma Carola gave you. You've found that if you kick and throw your arms and legs around sporadically then occasionally a toy moves or squeaks or rattles. And this little experiment of yours is repeatable with 100% success.
In the interest of trying to be more efficient lately I have started taking you in the shower with me. About half the time you get a bath, but the rest of the time I'll just give you a shower because this can be a lot easier and faster, especially when I've got to get a shower myself. You seem to like them, although I think you're not quite sure what to think of them yet. While clinging to my shoulder you hold very still and look around with big eyes. Meanwhile I've gotten better at juggling you and soaping you up – something that is a bit like trying to hold and pet a piglet that has been dipped in oil. I've found that if I wash myself first, and then bring you in the shower with me to get you clean this is the easiest way to go about it. Once finished I plop you in your bouncy seat in a towel and you sit there very relaxed and content while I rinse and get myself dry.
We've also been spending a lot of time outside playing in the yard. By far this is probably one of your most favorite activities. We find a nice shady spot for you, and while seated in your bouncy chair you kick and coo as I bust my ass in the hot hot sun. But that's ok because by busting my ass I am also slowly whittling away at it and those last few pounds that made themselves at home during my pregnancy with you, of which I am determined to evict by summer. AND it also means that we have beautiful flowers in our front yard to cheer us along, and hopefully divert most people's attention from the awful peeling paint on the house that we have to get around to sanding and repainting.
We took a trip down to my old company in the middle of the month - I say 'old' because while we were there I told my manager that I would not be returning. Something I always knew I'd do, but refused to say for sure until I had to actually make the decision. And I have to say that it was both one of the easiest decisions and hardest decisions I have made in a long time. Staying at home with you feels so right. Every morning I wake up and never for a second doubt that I'm not cut out for this, or wish I had a job to go to. This is what I was made to do. Raising you, watching you grow every day, is absolutely without a doubt one of the most rewarding and special privileges I could ever be given. And for your Dad and I to be able to afford for me to stay at home is a gift I will always be thankful for. But I also worked very hard to get where I was at my company and it was hard to let that go. So as I met with my manager, you perched on my lap smiling and sucking on my hand, we talked about my future and what I wanted to to. And he assured me that I would never have a problem coming back into the industry, that my network is strong and so what if I take a few years to raise my family? If I want to come back it will be there for me, I am sharp, bright, and strong. And he is right. As sad as he was to let me go, he also knew that being at home with you was the biggest priority to me.
And while we hold down the home front, your Dad is off conquering the hearing aid industry with his company. For two weeks we haven't seen much of him as there has been some exciting press around his company's product and that has done nothing but impact your dad's department to the point of near breaking. He's been working 12 hour days only to come home and work on the couch. Things are starting to calm down - not for lack of business, but rather your dad has been busy fixing all the things that broke with all the excitement and now the ship is running a bit smoother. So we're seeing a little bit more of him now and that's definitely a good thing. It's hard to not see him as much, but we know it's for a good cause as it ensures a solid financial standing for our family and enables me to stay at home with you, and it can only last so long before things go back to normal. So we take care of things at home, and greet dad with big hugs, kisses, and smiles when he gets home. And hopefully sooner rather than later his work days will shorten up a bit.
Among all the fun and wonderful things we've been up to this month, you and I have both been fighting our first cold since you were born. Fun stuff. I suffered the worst of it thankfully as you are nicely protected by antibodies I pass to you through my breast milk. But you still have suffered a few symptoms which I'm happy to say don't seem to bother you in the least. You might cough occasionally, or have a stuffy nose in the morning, but you still smile up at me as if to reassure me that it's ok, no biggie, you hardly even notice.
All the love and kisses possible,
Mama

Making lemonade

So I've been fighting this head cold for a few days now and this afternoon was probably the worst yet. Mornings and early afternoons have been totally fine - but once 3ish rolls around I start feeling the cold wear me down.
And today I got home, stuffed Zach in his bouncy seat, sunk into a kitchen chair and just grabbed my head and stared at the floor.
And no matter how you look at it, faux brick linoleum never starts looking good and we are definitely going to have to get rid of it soon. I don't care what Grandma thinks.
After contemplating the certain demise of our kitchen floor it occurred to me that what might be really good is a cup of hot soothing tea. To the pantry I dragged myself and proceeded to dig through the collection of teas.
Black, white, herbal, medicinal, fruity...what oh what should I indulge in. Finally my fingers came to rest on a box of Sore Throat Soothers tea which is my favorite for when I'm ailing...and then it occurs to me that I may have some tea guzzling limitations due to the fact that I'm breastfeeding.
Which is a total buzz kill by the way. When I was pregnant I couldn't wait to be un-pregnant so I could resume eating and drinking the way I had before. Mostly.
I knew there would be restrictions that came with breastfeeding, but I figured it wouldn't be nearly as bad as while pregnant.
And it's not even the fact that there are dietary restrictions you must be concerned with that sucks so much. It's mostly the conundrum of eating anything questionable - and not really knowing if something is safe or not. And if you dare do some research online you'll find the number of websites telling you one thing is safe equals the number of websites telling you it's unsafe and you are a sick sick woman for even considering it and your fetus/child should be taken from you.
I made the mistake of forgetting how painful it is to do this sort of research.
But do not despair - I was reminded within 5 minutes. I threw my box of tea back in the pantry, emailed my La Leche League leader, grabbed Zach and the two of us fell into bed for a nice long nap.
Babies are the BEST nap buddies EVER.
2 hours later I roused to find an email reply from Patty telling me exactly what I figured:
caffeine in moderation, and avoid peppermint and sage as it will hinder your milk supply.
But it was the last line of her email that was the most helpful: "Honey and lemon are good in almost any tea and can reduce coughs."
With that little line of inspiration I wandered outside to our lemon tree (on steroids), (the tree, not me), pulled 3 lemons off of it, squeezed some juice into hot water and drizzled tasty honey from our neighbors bees over it.
Screw the tea.
Sometimes a little simplicity is all you need when feeling under the weather.
Life threw me some lemons - so damn it, I made some tea.

Sunny with a chance of sweat

It's only been 80 degrees here and it still feels like a heat wave out of mid August. All of a sudden the weather went from downright perfect to hot as hell, forcing us to break out shorts and tank tops, throw open all the windows and sleep through the night with only a light cotton sheet.
And I have to keep reminding myself that it's only been 80 degrees during the day.
It's ridiculous.
This happens every year, usually about this time, when the weather goes from a perfect 70 degrees to over 80. Our bodies are so used to the colder winter months, that we have somehow forgot how pleasant 80 degrees feels after a 5 day stretch of 98 degrees.
And this year I'm doing it with a little space heater attached to my hip.
If I ever have a choice about it, I'm going to make sure that we plan the next baby to be born well during the winter - just like Zach - because I can't imagine having to recover from child birth, and lying around the house with an infant in this weather. And next time it will be with an energetic toddler testing my patience and alcohol limitations.
Just like any other man, Zach has been blessed with being perpetually warm. Not such a blessing to me as it turns out, not when it's hot out and I'm the one who's spending the most time holding him.
He's still a bit of a momma's boy.
So I've resorted to just live with it - and taking two showers a day.
And hopefully this "heat wave" will pass soon and I can return to snuggling with my son without breaking out in a sweat and sticking to him.